The Reason Why Men Are So Confusing and How to Understand Them
By Kara Oh
If you think that men are confusing, it’s simply because you’re looking at them through your eyes, through your filters, beliefs and assumptions. When John Gray came up with his clever title comparing men and women to two entirely different planets (Mars and Venus), it struck a chord for a reason. Men and women are that different.
So, to try to figure out why men are so confusing from your perspective is always going to lead to frustration because it simply can’t be done.
But to truly understand why men are so confusing, you must slip ever-so-gently into their shoes, see the world through their eyes, and filter life through their brains. Of course, this is not something that you can do simply by wishing it. You have to either put in some serious time studying men up close, talking to them in their language, asking the kind of questions they can hear, and then listening to them in the same way they think.
And as you probably know, this is not what the average women is programmed to do.
How I Figured Out Why Men Are So Confusing
So why have I figured out the reasons why men are so confusing? What makes me different than the average woman? Well, the main thing I do is ask why people do what they do and react/respond the way they do, from the perspective of Cultural Anthropology. I step WAY back, look at the broad screen from way-back-when to present day, and, using my female intuition, try to make sense of it.
I come up with a conclusion that feels right and logical, and when I’m looking at what men do, I ask them if what I’ve come up with is true for them. And in the end, I always get an explanation, and a new secret, of what makes men tick, and why they are so confusing to most women.
But it takes more than asking one man. I actually spent two years studying why men do what they do, and what makes them confusing to women. I interviewed hundreds of men, read books that attempted to describe men, subscribed to their magazines–which, by the way, are VERY different than women’s magazines.
Then, as I began to put together the puzzle pieces of what men are all about, I checked with numerous men from all walks of life to simply verify if I was on the right track.
So what did I learn? Well, I learned a lot, but here’s one example:
I learned that the big difference between how men and women see getting married is that women see it as a fantasy coming true, a kind of heart song, and men see it as a nuts-and-bolts decision. Men look at it in the following ways:
- Is my career on track right now?
- Can I afford to take care of a wife and possible children at this moment or in the near future?
- Am I ready to take on the responsibility of her emotional well-being?
- Am I ready to give up dating other women?
- Is she going to stay this same woman I love or is she going to change, as most women do?
- Am I going to be able to make her happy in the long-run?
- Am I going to live up to her fantasies of what her ideal husband should be?
Do you see how different that is from how you think about marriage? That’s just one of many differences between men and women that I’ve discovered.
Another difference is that men are driven to make their women happy. It’s deep in their biology. If you’re unhappy, he takes it as a personal failure. Of course, we all know that your happiness isn’t his responsibility, it’s yours, but he still takes it personally.
Hopefully, I’ve helped you see that your relationships with men will improve if you learn to see how they perceive the world. Then, you can communicate in new, more effective ways, and get lots more satisfaction and fulfillment from the man in your life. The funny thing is, your man really desires to give you everything you need, both physically and emotionally…but you just need to know how to ask.
I share all of my secrets about men in Men Made Easy, a fun, easy read that shows you how easy it is to transform your relationships with men by developing your Feminine Grace.
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