Acts of Service – How to Express Your Love By Doing Things
By Jasmine Jones
Did you know that mundane things like mowing grass, changing a diaper, washing a car, or cooking dinner can be viewed as expressions of love? For those whose love language is acts of service, these often tedious chores are a declaration of passion and commitment.
Some people do not only want their partners to express love verbally, spend time with them, or bring them gifts. These people need their partners to demonstrate love by doing things for them. Unless their partners are consistently and cheerfully completing tasks for them, they never understand the depth of love their partners feel.
Helping your partner with chores is a great way to express your love for him or her. Service is one of the five love languages that brings many benefits to a relationship. Conversely, neglecting this love language can cause extreme conflict.
Is your partner the first to volunteer to clean a relative’s home or help with your work? Will he spend the entire day washing and waxing your car so that you can drive to work in a clean vehicle? If these scenarios sound familiar to you, your partner may value acts of service as expressions of love.
Those who need love expressed by actions may not even realize that they view love in this manner. All these people know is that they feel disappointed if their partners are unwilling to lend a hand. If they do receive help with chores, these people are likely thrilled and thankful.
What if You Already Serve Your Partner?
If you have come to realize that your partner values service as an expression of love, you may be a bit confused. Perhaps you feel that you already do plenty of things for him or her but it is unappreciated.
Maybe you cook dinner every day and iron his shirts cheerfully, but he still does not feel loved. Perhaps you maintain the lawn and vehicles without being asked, but she still seems unhappy. You might feel that your partner is difficult to please, unappreciative, and demanding.
One reason that couples struggle with this, is that service is a love language that can be spoken in many different dialects. While he may appreciate that you cook and iron, he is really hoping that you would sort the mail and balance the checkbook. While she is glad that you care for the landscaping and cars, she may really wish that you would change the baby and load the dishwasher every evening.
Ask for Suggestions
If you think that your partner needs you to do things to feel loved, ask for three suggestions that you could do regularly to express your love. You may be astonished to find that your spouse hopes for you to do more insignificant things than you imagined. Instead of doing the grocery shopping, washing the car, and scrubbing the entire bathroom, she may prefer that you fold laundry, take out the trash, and pick up your socks.
Making the mental switch of expressing love by doing things can sometimes challenge pre-existing stereotypes and expectations. Some men expect that they should simply be responsible for car and home maintenance, not realizing that their partners desire housecleaning assistance to feel loved. Some women expect that their husband wants them to only clean and cook, rather than participate in landscaping the yard.
However, viewing this love-style in another manner can help with this issue. When your partner has a birthday, you expect to give him a gift that follows his interests, because the gift is for him. Choosing to speak the service-dialect that he prefers is simply giving him a personalized gift of love.
Partners need to avoid getting caught up in assuming nefarious motives behind their loved one’s request for service. Just because he asks you to keep his underwear clean, it does not mean that he wants you to become a 1950’s, “Suzy Homemaker” kind of wife. Just because she asks for help in the kitchen, do not assume that she wants you to become a “Henpecked Husband.”
Out of all of the five love languages, performing acts of service may take more time and effort than some other types. But if you view service as an act of love and passion, it is not drudgery, but joy.
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